John Lalonde | grislyTragedian (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
grislytragedian) wrote2012-07-14 08:58 pm
grislytragedian) wrote2012-07-14 08:58 pmidk pesterlogs or something.
Just random...stuff. Ignore this.
grislytragedian) wrote2012-07-14 08:58 pm
no subject
The alternative wasn't even an option, John had decided this much the moment he learned about what a doomed timeline was. In fact, finding an alternative to the alternative was the only reason John had gone to see Typheus in the first place. He'd played his share of video games before today. From everything he'd heard from the salamanders about Typheus as he searched for Cheryl, he could tell that he wasn't the sort of monster you went up against without buttloads of ammo, more weapons than a person could reasonably carry, and the best defenses you could buy. So in the event that Jade attempted to object to this non-traditional happily ever after, John was prepared to put his foot down. Luckily, he didn't have to. For once, Jade said very little as John's blue text pretty much consumed both their screens for a few minutes. He spared little detail save for the part where coming face-to-face with Typheus was pretty much pants-shittingly terrifying. Because he'd never hear the end of that particular admission.
GT: And that's basically what happened.
GT: Since time is your thing I figured it would probably be best to tell you first and figure out some sort of game plan, before telling Rose and Dave.
GT: If we tell them at all, that is.
GG: why wouldnt we tell them
GG: i swear to god if you say something like they cant handle knowing ill smother you with your own stupid hood
GG: what the hell are you wearing anyway
GT: First off: it's not stupid, it's the Puzzlemaster's Jigsuit, and it's based off of John Kramer’s robe.
GT: So basically it's the complete opposite of stupid.
GG: oh my god
GG: so
GG: lame
GT: And second: it's more that I don't want to upset them, not that they can’t handle it.
GT: Especially Rose. You know how much she was looking forward to this game.
GT: And technically it’s still her birthday.
GT: "Hey, guess what? You are kind of this colossal mistake and were never actually meant to exist," is kind of shit news to get on your birthday, don’t you think?
GG: still sounds like youre saying they cant handle it brolonde
GG: do you really think theyd rather have you just waltz up and bash their heads in without any explanation
GT: There won't be any headbashing, I have a much less painful way to handle the friendocide, ok?
GT: (Hey look, you are not the only one who can make punny portmanteaus.)
GT: Typheus gave me some kind of spiky yin-yang 8-ball bomb to help out with that.
GT: Give me some credit here, I am not that heartless.
GG: friendocide i like it
GG: little morbid but hey you wouldnt be you if it wasnt
GG: what about me
GG: gonna set me up the bomb too or do i get the mean end of the mallet
GT: Who said anything about me killing you?
GT: If I kill you, who is going to handle timeline repair? That's the whole reason I am telling you all this in the first place.
GT: As the time player, you're the only one who can fix this.
GG: how else am i going to go god tier to have enough power to fix said problem
GG: think about it for a second lalonde
GG: think about what a ridiculous amount of time traveling youre asking me to do
GG: and then think about what youre asking me to do after i do said time travel
GG: how in the world am i going to switch four babies IN MIDAIR
GG: in the middle of OUTER FUCKING SPACE
GG: i have crazy skills and all but my powers arent that off the hook
GT: How do you even know about the God Tiers in the first place?
GG: jadesprite
GG: she gave me a few spoilers to speed this whole plan making process up since apparently it took us for fucking ever to figure it out in her timeline
GG: we may have all the time in the world but we dont really like wasting it so heres how this is going to go
GG: you come over here to lofaf
GG: you kill me on my quest bed
GG: i go back and fix shit because i am basically the best
GG: but not before you go to lohac to pull off friendocide part 2 electric bombaloo
GG: its that simple
John stares at your screen, unsure of exactly what to say to that. Not because the plan is particularly difficult to understand. It's not. In fact, it's pretty much perfect. Except for the part where he has to kill your best friend slash goo-sister-thing in cold blood with his own two hands. Okay, sure, he's going to have to kill the other two as well but somehow a bomb just doesn't seem as personal. Especially when you're taking yourself out in the blast too.
GG: are you pussying out on me over there lalonde
GG: taking an awfully long time to respond
GG: jsyk this plan was mostly alternate future yous idea originally
GT: No.
Maybe a little bit. Death on the silver screen or between two book covers is one thing. That's not real. Killing monsters with a hammer made out of some random crap from around your house is real, but it's not really the same thing. SBURB is still a video game no matter how much it impacts the realizty around you. Those monsters have no other purpose than to be taken out by the player (and isn't that just a little bit sad?) But ultimately, Jade will come right back and be stronger than ever. So it's probably best to just stop thinking about the moral implications right now before it gets to a point where he talks himself out of it.
GT: Just thinking.
Because killing her is absolutely necessary in order for this plan to work. And John Lalonde has put his foot down on making this plan work.
GT: I am going to assume that the two of you know what you're doing and not question whether Jadesprite telling you all this is going to unravel the timestream and doubly doom us all or something and instead point out one small problem.
GT: Only the dead wind up in the dreambubbles.
GT: And God Tier players don't exactly go down easily, they're kind of like morally-bound cockroaches.
GG: a wise assumption to make because we do in fact know exactly what were doing
GG: but dont worry about that
GG: ill go out with a heroic bang and bring the party to your lame afterlife rendesnooze
GG: the party dont start without jade strider
GG: she IS the fucking party
There's a small pause before Jade's next response comes through.
GG: promise
John knows that that promise is meant to assure Jade herself just as much as it's meant to assure him. Because somehow he gets the feeling that having to face your own death twice in one day is just has hard as having to face your own death plus the prospect of killing three other people. Just as hard and just as scary and just as equally something that a thirteen year old should never have to do.
GT: Well if you're going to make us wait like that then you had better deliver on that party.
GT: You had better bring only your maddest of Mad Grooves(tm).
GT: I am expecting nothing short of a party to end all parties.
GG: the grooves will be completely fucking certifiable
GG: i am talking completely off the deep end here
GG: dont worry
GT: Good.
GG: anyway now that thats settled
GG: i am going to go take a snooze of epic proportions
GG: you get over here and do whatever it is youre going to do to off me
GG: though i draw the line at twisted puzzle death traps
GG: we dont have time for that shit
GG: so help me god john if you attempt to pull some kind of deranged saw ripoff on me i will turn you into a dartboard
GG: and by darts i mean knives
GG: seriously dude those movies are shit and i refuse to be involved in any sort of homage even in death
GG: jadesprite can be the bomb bearer in your absence
GT: Curses! Foiled again!
GT: No, don't worry that would take too much time and effort to set up.
GT: You are completely safe from any and all Saw homages. Or any other masterpiece of cinematic horror, for that matter.
GG: oh good
GG: dont keep me waiting john
GT: See you soon, Jade.
-- grislyTragedian [GT] ceased pestering groovyGladiatrix [GG]--